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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2004|07:53 am]
Ok so my last posting was in April but a lot has happened since then :)

I have been getting rid of old stuff that I thought had been taken care of a long time ago but I guess not. I thank God for our CR program as so far it is a success for all of us and we will make great progress into helping others with there issues:)

Also I am looking at life in a different way do to some medical issues and these are signs from God to slow down and find happiness :) I believe this in my heart and I am trying to do just that but it is hard but I believe that I have found an appropriate partner for my life.

I have been seeing things in a very very different way the past two days which have made extremely happy and I pray that this is the last of the difficult times and I can enjoy what is left of the rest of my life in happiness :)

As I am experiencing some very unfamiliar feelings they are very exciting but also at the same time extremely scary. I won't lie I am scared that this will be taken from me but I am willing to open up and take the risk and believe me this is a major big step but this is worth it !!!!!!!!!!

My good friend ( this did not come out right) about these unfamiliar feelings and how things look very different. I was always curious and envious of what she was explaining but I now
I get to experience this aspect of life ( lots of patience to get to this level) and I believe that I have found the most patient person who will take the time to help me along at a slow pace.

Things do look a lot brighter, more colorful, peaceful. I will end here and try to keep on this path.

Thank you Lord :)
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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2004|11:59 am]
Hello :) Well today is Tuesday and it is a better day weather wise for the moment. They are predicting that we are going to have some snow showers tonight but this should be the last fling of the white stuff.

Work is extremely busy today I am working late tonight as I will be coming in late tomorrow as I have to send the truck to the garage (Hopefully it won't be a major issue that will cost lots of $$$$) I will pray for that :)

With the help of my good friend catecumen
I did not make a nuisance of myself as I was not sure if an unconscious reaction on my part had made someone else uncomfortable. Until I had thought about it also unconsciously did I discover the issue but I had sent an e-mail stating if I did it was unintentional but I was reassured by this person that this was not the case :) which made me happy :)
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(no subject) [Apr. 26th, 2004|02:10 pm]
Mondays (BLAH especially rainy days):)

Well I at least made two entry's in my journal the past week or so. I still promise myself that I will try to at least daily ( let's be realistic every other day). Until I get the hang of this that is my goal. I thank God for my friends everyday. I had a nice breakfast with Catecuman yesterday and it was good to tell her that I had come up with some answers to some personal decisions that I had made and why I had made the decision.

I will put in writing so that when I need the strength to keep reminding myself why I have made this decision it will be at my finger tips as I have been praying on this issue and with the Good Lord's guidence and stregth I will be fine :)

I had gotten out of a 22 year marriage due to the fact that I could no longer compete with the mistress and nasty behavior that this mistress had bestowed upon my families life and had taken the brave steps to get out of a bad siutation. Which with the help of therapy and finding my way back to the Lord I am able to find myself which I had not idea who I was in the first place. I have a better sense of who I am where I would like to go but that is as fas as I have gotten.

But what did I do I ended getting into a relationship that did not have the signs of the nasty mistress until 3 months ago and I found the strength to get out of a potential bad situation :) ( thank GOD) and I have reminded myself that I can not win nor do I have the desire to compete with this particular substance and I revert back to my testimony that I gave in church you can not change a person only that person can and they need to find the help that they need to help them along :)

I have to be cautious as to not keep falling back into someone ele's issues as it becomes my issue and I can not change them they need to I can only be there to direct them :)

Hopefully in the right time and place will I find what I am looking for and the good Lord will let me know who that person is :)
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(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2004|07:52 am]
Good morning :)

It is another beautiful day :) I am tired this morning but that is ok I will perk up before to long. I had a rocky start this morning got up a little late, started driving and my directional light started blinking real fast so that means a bulb is blown so I hope and pray that I don't get pulled over on my way home as I really don't wnat a ticket. Will have to stop at Auto zone tonight to get a new bulb and fix that issue it is a fixable. Then some nut case pulled in front of me while I was driving and I spilled some coffee down the front of me ( yes I have a white shirt on) all down the front of me. I was able to borrow a dark sweater from one of the girls. At least these are small things I can fix :) Can't wait for lunch so I can walk. Well that is all for now.
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(no subject) [Apr. 19th, 2004|01:49 pm]
Well today is a beautiful day a nice summer like day to be exact :) Thank God finally some sun. I am going to try and start making daily notes no matter how trivial I think they maybe or how thoughtful they may be. I need to start to make some sense of the continual changes.

As I had brought up in CR on Friday as another friend had drawn to my attention that I had not given total control to the good Lord and I admitted that I do not know how so one of my lady friends suggested that I open my bible and I will find the answer so I am now begining a new journey ( changes are constant these days) which I can accept as once long ago I could not accept change. What an improvement from years ago :)
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just reflecting [Mar. 25th, 2004|06:52 am]
Good morning everyone :)

I am reflecting this morning on how lucky and blessed that I have been feeling since I have joined the CR team you are all becoming more like a family to me which is good. It has been a rollercoaster time for me between necessary life changes which we all have occur on a daily basis. To giving testimony which has uncovered hurts that I thought had been address in reality they have been addressed but the hurt is still there none the less and I am not too sure what to do about that but I will figure it out. On the other hand it is making very clear to me what I do not want involved in my life now and into the future so I have learned the lesson that was put before me :) .

As we are meant to learn new lessons each and every day. Also it has been helpful to talk to one and other to realize that we truly are not alone as we each have a story and it has been nice to know that what ever the story is we are together in our journey. I may be late for CR this week or unable to attend which is making me feel sad as I have gotten to enjoy Fridays even if I do child care ( I enjoy that) due to an obilgation that I had committed to as a friend of mine is getting married on Saturday and I had been asked to help out with the last minute decorating etc and I know she would be there for me.

I am sorry for not being able to join in the fun with the chat but I had to work last night. Some time I will be able to join. Well enough reflecting :)

Love you all :)
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emotional upset and changes :) [Mar. 12th, 2004|10:19 am]
I have been in an emotional turmoil since last night which was about my job as before I left work last night we were told there would be no OT until further notice which made me concerned as I depend on my few hours of OT a week as after insruances, medical expense account there is some left and yes I know I type at home but that usually is my spending money for two weeks. I realize money is not everything and I am being forced by the father above to take it easy and get my health on track this did not help but I was able to come up with a plan of acction. Now this morning we were told that we could have OT as needed so I have deceided I am only going to work three nine hour days and type my fingers off and still go to exercise class ( as of yesterday I had not joined and I really look forward to that) so this is a positive plan of action.

The second turmoil which is major and has me very very upset and I am not too sure on how to handle this one as I am trying to be objective and watch what I say so as not to say soemthing that will be hurtful nd mean. As some of you know that I have broken off my relatinship with my boyfriend of a year and a half after a few days of not being nice etc. and he seems to be trying to dominat my time and is putting the blame on me etc. I am at work and will have to think about this later.
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test [Mar. 9th, 2004|09:15 pm]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]

Hello I am working with catecumen in how this specific program works. Hope you like my flower for spring.
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(no subject) [Feb. 4th, 2004|04:19 pm]
Hello :) everyone I have finally gotten some spare time to join the group :)
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